Interpersonal conflicts can happen when there is a clash of interest or feelings and the breakdown of subsequent communication of parties involved. Such conflicts can occur in both our personal lives and professional lives. The spark of conflicts can be intentional or unintentional and the other party can be a nemesis, co-worker, classmate, friends or even close buddies. Therefore, interpersonal conflicts can happen so easily once we are not mindful of the communication, emotions and interests involved. The scenario that I am about to describe involves a wide range of factors that I categorized above. Enjoy =)
The conflict happened in the year 2008, the second year of my national service in the Air Force. The parties involved were my superior, my colleagues, my best friend and I. On one occasion, my superior wanted me to take charge of a certain preparation and gave me the authority over some of my colleagues since I was a team leader. He also handed me some important stuff to complete the preparation. However, I developed a high fever later on the same day due to an overnight operation in the rain on the previous day. Therefore, I travelled back to base camp to hand over the important staff to my 2IC (second in-charge) and passed the authority of the preparation to him. I thought that he would lead the other colleagues to complete the job.
At the third day of my medical leave, I was shocked when my superior called me and reprimanded me for not completing the job and stated that the uncompleted preparation would land him in deep trouble. I apologized quickly without knowing the exact situation and immediately called my 2IC. To my great disappointment, he just casually said that the whole group totally forgotten about the task. I was speechless as I even made the effort to travel back to base camp to hand over the job despite the high fever and my colleagues did not even remember the job. My 2IC apologized and thus I held back my temper and just said I was sad but I will handle the aftermath after I recovered. I told him to get the job done quickly to make up for the lost time.
When I got back to camp, I was shocked for the second time. I knew that there was still time for preparations to be made and my superior would not be as mad as he sounded in the phone. News pertaining about his fury got to me. After my superior realized the preparation was far behind time, he kind of ‘bitched’ with some of my friends and it was my best friend who added the fuel to the fire by casually commenting that I was being irresponsible and selfish. Thus, the already agitated superior became very angry and thus made that call.
After I did my investigation on the very conversation that sparked off the whole episode, I called my best friend and lashed out at him. Thus, we fell out over this incident. I felt extremely hurt as it was my best friend who bad mouthed me in front of my superior. If a political rival was to bad mouth me, it would just be a ‘pain in the ass’ and I would say it was just a part of the routine political ‘warfare’. However, such an action from a best friend was a ‘torn in the heart’ and the emotional damage was tremendous.
To make things simple, I summarize the case as per following:
1. My superior – the job was behind progress and his promotion could be jeopardized
2. My colleagues – they could be punished along with me
3. My best friend – a friendship at stake and it has gotten intertwined with work.
4. Me: I have to appease my superior, cover for the team that I was leading and amend for the damaged friendship with my best friend.
I will post the actual action taken back then and the improved solution from my current point of view. I made a lot of mistakes and some of them were, in fact, pretty stupid. I am glad I have grown thus far and learnt from these mistakes. The price of learning about the ways of life is high but it was worth it.
Q: If you were to be in my shoes back then, how would you react to salvage the friendship with my best friend and to deal with the work related situation?